To the first mothers my children knew,
I want you to know how much love I have for you. I want you to know, not a day goes by, when I don't think about you. And it's not as though thoughts of your interrupt my ability to be my children's mom. I am confidant in my role as mother. Rather I have found you have woven yourself into the fabric of our family. In a subtle and magical ways.
The twinkle in my daughter's eye when she's holding a secret she can't wait to share. The look of concentration on my son's face as his tiny fingers manipulate a new and challenging toy. The way my daughter grins, genuine and true, when I walk through the door after being gone for sometime.
I see you there.
I am keenly aware I did not have the privilege of being my children's first mom. No one ever placed their hands on my belly to feel my children move and grow in the womb. I did not get to witness their first breath, their first cry, to feel their tiny heartbeat next to mine. And while this is something my mama's heart will always long for, those sacred moments, appropriately, were for you. And I pray you are able to hold them and remember them fondly. If not now, then hopefully in the future.
As my children grow, strong and brave and capable I think of you. I think of how you cared for my child from the moment you knew of their tiny life growing inside of you. I think about how you continued to care for them even when you had made the impossible decision to only be their mama for those short nine months. As I watch them breathe each breath into their strong lungs I recognize my children are strong because of your strength and the foundation you gave them as God knit them together as perfect human beings.
I want you to know that we talk about you. I want you to know the person "birthmother" is honored and esteemed in our home. When our children ask about you, because they do ask about you, we tell them every single good thing we know to be true about you and your relationship with our children. We tell them how lucky we are to get to be connected to others in such a sacred way. What a gift it is to get to understand tragedy and beauty all in the same breath. To live with both and not have to try to do away with the hard parts. For the hards parts have made us who we are. The hard parts paved a way for the beauty.
So on this Mother's Day I will wake up thinking of you, as I do every day. I will hold my children and kiss their faces and beam with pride that I am their mom. And as I do so I hold a piece of each of you, dear birthmothers. For your motherhood gave me mine.
Happy Mother's Day!